May and December

    The marriage or other relationship between an older person and one much younger has often been a source of wonderment to me. Whether the older one is attractive because of wealth from business success or has become wealthy through other fame or if they just simply have a magnetic personality which attracts I’ll never know.

    Now that I’ve lived more than half my life and have neither wealth nor fame, I find I am in a dating situation again after a long term toxic friendship ended. It’s a most challenging place to be. I am approaching my golden years without a companion.

    In a Conway Twitty song, he sings, “When a whole lot of Decembers are showin' in your face, your auburn hair has faded and silver takes it's place. You'll be just as lovely and I'll still be around.” The internal beauty is still evident and the external beauty remains in the mind’s eye even though it has changed.

    Growing old together is quite different from beginning dating from scratch after “a whole lot of Decembers” because the initial internal beauty has a much higher barrier to overcome before it can be seen. Women close to my age remind me very much of my mother’s friends when I was younger. I would find the prospect of dating one of my mother’s friends totally abhorrent even though they said of me then, “What a wonderful young man he is. He’ll be a wonderful husband to some lucky woman.” Hah!

    I totally understand being drawn to women younger than me. Their physical beauty is readily evident to even the most casual observer but it’s their confidence and presence which make them beautiful regardless of their physical features. Physical appeal is important — a look, a smile can melt me — but it’s the qualities beyond mere prettiness which complete the equation. If they also possess a magical magnetic personality they become irresistible.

    In the younger male on the prowl, femaleness can be the sole attraction to ANY woman. In the older male, femininity becomes the draw but if, and only if, there’s that je ne sais pas magical biochemical spark. It can be a life changing event! Chemistry cannot be engineered. If there’s ‘chemistry’ between two people it’s because of qualities already existing in the two personalities.

    As this life drama unfolds I’m feeling somewhat like the Don Quixote of Love tilting at the windmills of romance. Sadly, I have no Sancho Panza to offer advice or earthy witticisms.

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