Expanding on his title, though not chiastic, I can say, “Never be fooled by a face book friending”. I have been but my experiences are gradually chipping away at the wall of naivete I built around the reality of my life — I am old. I am too old.
It’s been said that age is only a number, that you’re only as old as you feel. Wouldn’t that be nice? Too often, though, the age difference can be a ‘stopper’ when the older man is neither wealthy nor landed. It’s no longer acceptable for me to find women younger than myself to be attractive. I now have to “mind my place” and be attracted to unattractive women closer to my own age. Yeah, right!
It seems a cruel joke to have many of the things women say they want yet not enough of what they really want to get beyond a “friending” or an unanswered text message. Admittedly I am not movie-star handsome but I’m not ugly. I am thoughtful, caring and respectful and I’m not stupid — just naïve and a burgeoning master of wishful thinking.
After the encouragement of multiple positive responses to my musical performances, I allowed myself to hope there would be the added benefit of opening the door to potential social contacts and perhaps to meet a lady who finds me as lovable as I find her appealing. But now after being rejected again I am crestfallen, depressed, despondent and feeling a sense of not much future for me.
Prior rejections were from a medical professional who failed to reveal that she's married. Another medical professional (coincidence) liked my voice but didn't sense, after several weeks of public socializing, that I was attracted to her beyond friendship and totally shunned me after I revealed my feelings. A music lover who enjoys Frank Sinatra was captivated by my rendition but it became evident some time later that she's an insincere groupie of whatever group and she makes dates but doesn't keep them or respond to text messages. I can't forget to mention the Cheshire Butterfly I blogged about last year but she is and apparently has been a perpetual flitting flirt so any expectations or hopes there quickly subsided.
This time the rejection was by another young lady who really liked my songs a few nights ago. She hugged me warmly and shared her face book name and intimated a get together another time would be desirable. My face book message was not answered.
I have since learned she’s been involved for many years with the same man and that they have a child together. What a HALO (High Altitude, Low Open is a military parachute technique) my emotions went through — an almost immediate drop from the high altitude exhilaration of finally finding The One to the empty low of gut-wrenching disappointment.
Her appeal is so fetching and captivating it’s painful to look at her knowing that’s all I’d ever be able to do especially since she’s unattainable. Why subject myself to that pain? Better to stay away and not look. How can such beauty be so painful?
The beauty I see in an attractive woman may be in my eyes only but that’s fine. If she's appealing to me it doesn’t matter whether she’s beautiful by any other standards. Several appealing young ladies have said they like my singing. But the door hasn’t opened, yet.
The song is fine. The singer is not.
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